Bedtime Story
by Sailor Zoisite aka Shinigami
Summary: A collection of short, silly stories about het couples, all written on a whim and dedicated to someone.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Bedtime Story

Chapter: 1/1 (I think and you'd better hope)

Pairing: 5/R (Shhhhh! It's a secret!)

Disclaimers: Not mine, don't sue, copyright Bandai, Sotsu, whatever.

Dedications: To Kitty E. ^_^

One day there was this princess. Yes, this princess. And . . . then this really purty-ful guy showed up to be her bodyguard, because she needed one and it was honorable.

Yes. So he followed her around everywhere she went, except when she was bathing or going to the bathroom or changing. Then he waited outside the door. He was a good bodyguard. Yes, he was.

So, one day the princess was at this fancy party and she was being bugged by dirty, nasty old men to dance with them. Yuck. Then her bodyguard, good little thing that he was, came in and told them all to bug off, that *he* was going to dance with the princess.

He was protecting her honor, really. So they danced all night and then the princess was falling asleep against him when they were sitting down, so he picked her up and carried her to her room. He was a good bodyguard. Then he tucked her in and gave her a kiss good night.

The princess told him, with her eyes closed, that that was the most piss-poor excuse for a kiss she'd ever gotten and that he had to kiss her again and make it a real kiss. So he did. And it was a real kiss. And he didn't wait outside her door that night. They made the bed creak, yes they did.

And in the morning the princess and her bodyguard were happy. After the princess slapped him around for bitching about the dishonor of premarital sex, that is. Then they got married and lived (almost) happily ever after, because if they didn't fight once in a while that would be scary.

The End.

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	2. Chapter 2

Title: Bedtime Story

Chapter: 2/? (I lied, the first wasn't the last)

Pairing: 1/Sylvia Noventa

Disclaimers: Not mine, don't sue, copyright Bandai, Sotsu, whatever.

Dedications: To Heather MacCloud ^_^

Once upon a time there was this young man. He was a soldier, yes he was. And one day all the wars ended, and so he was kinda lost because, well, he was a soldier and had been told what to do all his life, and now there was no one to tell him what to do.

So for many, many moons the soldier wandered around, not knowing what to do and not having anyone to tell him what to do. Then he met this young woman one day, and she was nice to him and took him home with her. She told him what to do, so he didn't feel so useless because she gave him missions.

So, one day the young woman didn't give him something to do, and he asked her to tell him to do something.

"Do it yourself," she told him. "I'm not going to tell you what to do anymore."

He got a little whiny about it, and kept bugging her for a mission, so she turned to him one day and said "You want a mission? Go get some milk. That's your mission."

The soldier didn't think that was funny, but he did it anyway. The next day he asked for another mission, and the young woman smacked him and said "Damn it, you don't *need* anyone to tell you what to do!"

He said "I don't?"

She said "No, you idgit!"

Then the young man thought and smiled. "I don't." Then he picked up the young woman and took her to her room and made sweet love to her all night long, because don't you know he had that super-human stamina going for him and the girl had lots of energy from being very upset at her grandfather's death during the wars.

So for many nights afterward the soldier and the young woman made sweet, sweet love and then one day the young woman told the soldier that she had a new mission for him.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Be a good father for the rest of your life," the young woman replied. Then the soldier did a very un-soildier-ish thing. He fainted. The young woman grinned. "Yep, I think he's cured," she said.

The end.


	3. Chapter 3

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Title: Bedtime Story

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Chapter: 3/? (Be afraid, be very afraid)

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Pairing: 3/D

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Disclaimers: Not mine, don't sue, copyright Bandai, Sotsu, whatever.

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Dedications: To Mizu-chan ^_^

Once there was this young man. He was no average young man. For starters, he could do a triple-axle flip from a running motorcycle, land on a clothesline and walk off with his hands in his pockets as if nothing had happened.

He also had really funky hair, but that added to his mysterious aura, so no one cared.

Well, one day this young man was working at his circus (he was a clown, go figure) and he was doing things on the trapeze. He looked down (or up, since he himself was upside-down currently) and saw a young woman watching him, leaning against the trapeze pole thingy.

She had really long, really blonde hair and really pointy eyebrows. This immediately interested the young man because, well, he liked sharp, pointy objects. That was why he let his adopted sister throw knives at him. He got off on it.

But that's not the point. The point is that he did a triple flip and landed in front of the young woman and just looked at her like he stared at everyone. She smiled at him and told him that he was a very good acrobat.

The young man smiled a little and thanked her, then reached for some water. He told the young woman that he liked her eyebrows, and she laughed because they scared most everyone else, and told him that he must be very brave, indeed.

The young man with the weird hair said he wasn't very brave, but she was very pretty.

"Only a brave man would kiss me," the girl told him, grinning.

"Then I guess I'm a brave man," he said, tilting his head up (because she was taller than him) and kissing her.

Then his adopted sister ruined the moment (as she was wont to do) by walking in to the tent. She shrieked and ran out, dragging off the ringmaster to make out with him. The young man rolled his eyes and scooped the young woman up in his arms, carrying her to his trailer.

There they made sweet, sweet, sometimes kinky, love for the rest of the day, taking a break only to catch their breath. When they finally got tired the girl looked at her new loved and told him that she was going to keep him. He told her that he didn't mind that, as long as the lions went with them if she took him away from the circus.

She said they were welcome to come with them, but she liked the circus and was going to stay with it, maybe joining the young man's adopted sister's knife act.

And they lived almost happily ever after. ^.^


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Bedtime Story

Chapter: 4/? (No, I'm never stopping. ^.~)

Pairing: 4/C

Disclaimers: Not mine, don't sue, copyright Bandai, Sotsu, whatever.

Dedications: To Mizu-chan ^_^ Again. ^.~

Notes: Regardless of how I refer to Quatre in this, I do like him. Really. ^.^

Once upon a time there was this prince-like rich little blond Arab boy. Yes, he was a blond-haired, blue-eyed Arab. Ever heard of the berbers? Hush and lemme tell you this story.

*_Anyway_*, this little rich kid was wandering around a circus one day, because he was stupid and thought he killed a friend of his and was looking for his friend. So he found his friend and then was talking to him, but his friend's adopted sister came out and bitched at him.

Since she threw knives for a living, she scared the crap out of this rich kid and he ran away. They didn't see each other for a long time because his friend's adopted sister didn't like him and he was scared shitless of her.

Regardless of the fact that he had 40 hulking Arabs protecting him, but hey, a pansy's a pansy.

So, anyway, this rich kid was hanging around the circus, agian, one day after the wars were all over and he ran into his friend's adopted sister. Well, he ran into her chest 'cause he was short and she was tall.

This didn't go over well with his friend's adopted sister who didn't like him and threw knives for a living.

However, the rich kid's friend saved him (his penis, at leat) from certain doom and suggested that they all go out to eat, courtesy of the rich kid, of course.

So they went out and talked, well, the rich kid and the sister talked because the rich kid's friend was drooling over this chick with really long blonde hair and pointy eyebrows, and they decided to leave when the rich kid's friend started getting a lap dance by said blonde chick.

And so they went back to the circus, and the rich kid had recently discovered the joys of teenage hormones, so he kissed his friend's adopted sister. She didn't smack him, surprisingly, and she smiled and told him that if he came back the next day she'd be nicer to him. So he went away happy and came back the next day to find her in nothing but slinky red silk lingerie.

So this made the rich kid happy, very happy, and they fucked long and hard and after that he proposed, which was what his friend's adopted sister wanted.

Needless to say, she accepted and gave him an heir and they lived hapilly ever after. Almost. When they fought she threw knives, so the arguments always ended her way.

The end. ^.^


	5. Chapter 5

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Title: Bedtime Story  
**Chapter:** 5/?  
**Pairing:** 3/Midii Une  
**Archived:** http://www.stormpages.com/sailorzoi/

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Dedications: Everyone on the Trowa/Midii mailing list  
**Disclaimers:** Not mine, not making money, don't sue  
**Notes:** The pavement bit me one Sunday in early February and I wrestled with it a bit, therefore I had a huge gash on the side of my head that almost needed stitches (thank you, Mom, for saying no!), and I blame this fic as a result of my grave head injury. Really.  
  
  
Once upon a time, in a land in the very far away distant future of three days from now, there was a young man. Not that this was surprising, since obviously the world's population of young men isn't going to decrease much in three days, but there was still a young man.

Also in this far distant world of three days in the future, there was a young woman. Not many people could describe her, seeing as she never appears in color anywhere, but she had lightish eyes and definitely light hair.

One would wonder at this point why she had never appeared in color, but shut up and listen, kids.

So one day, three days in the far future, these two were walking along when, wonder of wonders (and because it was convenient to the plot) they bumped into each other. Now, the girl didn't like this very much because the young man's hair was very pointy and very sharp, and the young man didn't like it very much because the young woman's hair was long and as they fell,   
got into his mouth and started choking him.

Luckily, the girl got her hair out in time (and because the hero can't die, duh) and just happened to know mouth-to-mouth, which she promptly administered to the not-quite-unconscious youth. Actually, he'd never nearly almost lost consciousness at all, it was just a safety precaution.

So then he decided to give his wold-be rescuer mouth-to-mouth, and the author wandered away until they were through making out like horny teenagers, because said author was writing a bedtime story and making out like horny teenagers is *_not_* appropriate for bedtime stories!  
Ahem.

When the author returned, the two young people were planning to go into the spy business together, and to sell the information they gathered for lots and lots and lots and lots of money. And in the far distant future of three days from now, lots and lots and lots and lots of money was the equivelant in our time of lots and lots and lots and lots of money.

So, the author demanded a portion of the profits, seeing as it was her doing that had gotten these two together, and they agreed to pay her some money. The author promptly called down lighting and bitch-smacked the two horny and annoying characters until they finally did what she wanted them to do.

Then all three of them went into business together, because fictional characters *_do_* need a non-fictional author to write their adventures and how they get (and spend) their money.

And they lived happily ever after, if you don't count the times the young woman and young man didn't let the author join in or watch (you know what I mean) or when the author had to lay the smack down on the two because they wouldn't do what she wanted them to do.

But other than that, everything was just peachy.  
  
  
^.^ That nice? Bloody characters, they never behave like you write them . . . ^.~


End file.
